Responding to Disappointing News

“it’s clear that you have an impressive background with valuable skills and experiences. However, we have decided to move forward with another candidate at this time.”

Disappointing news for me is exciting news for someone else. That’s what I have to remind myself to remain positive, but I’m still bummed. It’s a lot easier to take it personally, because I feel purposefully unchosen. Somehow that wording feels worse than rejection. There was someone out there better than me, so I spiral into this metaphorical quicksand of self-deprecation and doubt. 

“Unfortunately, we will not be moving forward with your application, but we appreciate your time and interest.”

The question that lingers is “why?” Was it something I said or just me personally? Was it my resume or lack of experience? It would be good to know which one, because some of the answers to those questions are improvable. However, if the problem is me, I’m screwed sideways. I can change my writing and resume, but I can’t change who I am. 

The good reasonable portion of my brain is reminding me about Amor Fati, which means to love fate. Everything happens for a reason and there are other plans for my life. The irrational part of me really believed this opportunity was going to happen. Ever since I left the place I fell in love with learning, I’ve wanted to return as a teacher. 

After years of applying, I finally got an interview. It seemed like my dreams were materializing before my eyes. The stars were aligning into a spotlight over me but it was slowly covered by a creeping mist of uncertainty. The dream didn’t finish becoming a reality and got stuck for months as the fog of time turned into a thick cloud. Today, a fierce wind blew the cloud away and there was only indifference. 

“We’ve experienced some shuffling of schedules given our current changing commitments, so unfortunately at this time we will not be able to offer you a section. Thank you for your time and interest, and we’ll keep you in mind for future”

Part of me wanted to try to convince them they were making a mistake but I feel like my persistence blew it. The problem was wanting it so badly. If I didn’t care one way or another, I wouldn’t feel as disappointed. The worst part about it was the tease. They reached out to me the week I had finally decided to let them go. I’d accepted that it wasn’t going to happen for me and they scheduled an interview. They told me they’d get back to me in a week but it took two months for them to finally reject me. Clearly, I’m not over it but I’m processing. 

I should be grateful. I’m working at a university and college that value my abilities and provide opportunities to teach more classes. There are things for me on the horizon that I can’t see clearly yet. Rather than sulking over this rejection, I need to prepare for what’s coming. It could be an opportunity, a tempest, or a famine. Whatever it is, I believe it’s part of a bigger plan. 

I dodged a bullet. 

Be present.

That’s over. 

There are better things ahead. 

Get ready.