Raw Free Writing

  “It takes something more than intelligence to act intelligently.”―   Fyodor Dostoyevsky Photo by   Cullan Smith   on   Unsplash People who have committed some of the most heinous crimes against humanity never thought they would ever be capable of doing what they did, but that evil came from somewhere within, brewing for years over the fires of suffering. How do we get to the point where we justify a great crime in our minds? If you’ve never read Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoevsky, he addresses this very question masterfully and I highly recommend the read. The greater question in my mind is, “How do we ensure we never get to that point?” Why am I going there now? Am I capable of that? Is that serious? It is not serious at all…It’s simply a fantasy to amuse myself; a plaything! Yes, maybe it is a plaything. — Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment WHAT IS A BURN BOOK? One of my childhood mentors was a wonderful Persian woman who taught me about journali...

     A crusty old house covered in vines, with dangling shutters, on the bayou attracts those guys who are real-life ghostbusters. They have technological devices that can detect wandering spirits from another realm and people who claim not to believe in ghosts are watching from the edge of their couch. Most people would call it a load of crap because we know ghosts are not real. Dead people cease to exist, and the living are only concerned with other living things.      As a writer in a generation that has abandoned reading as a hobby, I feel like one of those ghost hunters, hanging around hallow shacks with outdated tech. I'm looking for signs of life that no longer exist. A few people tune in but quickly lose interest because the dead are no longer interesting. Libraries are like those abandoned houses, full of homeless people who make strange noises and scare people away. It's really a shame because the spirits of the authors are in their books, collect...

“it’s clear that you have an impressive background with valuable skills and experiences. However, we have decided to move forward with another candidate at this time.” Disappointing news for me is exciting news for someone else. That’s what I have to remind myself to remain positive, but I’m still bummed. It’s a lot easier to take it personally, because I feel purposefully unchosen. Somehow that wording feels worse than rejection. There was someone out there better than me, so I spiral into this metaphorical quicksand of self-deprecation and doubt.  “Unfortunately, we will not be moving forward with your application, but we appreciate your time and interest.” The question that lingers is “why?” Was it something I said or just me personally? Was it my resume or lack of experience? It would be good to know which one, because some of the answers to those questions are improvable. However, if the problem is me, I’m screwed sideways. I can change my writing and resume, but I can’t chang...

Spite is the Best Motivation       I've been noticing a trend lately in the stories I have encountered the last few weeks. I don't know if this happens to you or not, but I tend to listen when there are repeated themes in a short span of time. It all started when I heard a famous story about Adam Sandler before he made it big. Apparently, while Sandler was in college studying to be an actor, a professor took him out for a beer and told him he'd never make it as an actor. He just didn't have what it took.      As history would have it, Adam Sandler explodes into the comedy icon that he is, and he's sitting with a bunch of famous comedians at a restaurant. He recognizes his teacher there and introduces him to all his friends as, "the only professor to ever buy me a beer." What that taught me is that spite is one of the best motivators for certain personalities. Tell them they can't, and they will show you they can indeed.      My wife and...

     Lately, I’ve been going for walks, despite the pain in my left knee, because they have a profound effect on my mood. I could be completely debilitated by stress or anxiety, but a walk around the neighborhood pulls me out of myself for a little bit. The sun was shining bright against the ocean of blue above so colors were more vibrant. Nature is not as alive on a gloomy day. Everything is dulled by that diminishing tinge of grey designers love so much.       Flowers are obnoxiously colorful and outlandish in figure, which is what I love about them. There is a reason people like Monet, Pissarro, and Cezanne painted flowers, landscapes, and fruit. They are naturally untamed and nonconforming to civilization. They grow quickly and beautiful but also wilt just as fast. Though many of them grow on their own, they appear to be hand crafted and painted. Each is designed so intricately. The subtle difference in shade, shape, and size fills a bush with dive...

  When did we become so subdued and expressionless? Today, I saw a woman carrying a tray of caffeinated drinks in the visitor parking lot of a hospital. A man was coming out of the hospital building to meet her. When he noticed her behind me, his eyes glimmered and slight wry smile formed at the corner of his mouth as if he were trying to hold back his excitement for my sake. They kissed on the cheek and embraced further behind me as I continued into the building.   I wondered at his subdued excitement and how it reflected our culture. It is rare to see people express elation or excitement. We are more likely to explode with negative emotions such as anger, frustration, or sadness than positive emotions with the same magnitude. Negative emotion has a tendency to escalate quickly and force its way out, so people become blind with jealousy or burst with rage. How often does that happen in comparison to being overwhelmed by excitement or happiness?  Maybe, like the man ...